ZOOLOGY TEST

A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten birds on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to do the best job possible. The professor announced that the test would be to look at each of the birds’ legs and give the common name, habitat, genus and species.
The student looked at each of the birds’ legs. They all looked the same to him. He began to get upset. He had stayed up all night studying and now had to identify birds by their legs. The more he thought about it the madder he got.
Finally he could stand it no longer. He went up to the professor’s desk and said, “What a stupid test! How could anyone tell the difference between birds by looking at their legs?” With that the student threw his test on the professor’s desk and walked to the door.
The professor was surprised. The class was so big that he didn’t know every student’s name so as the student reached the door the professor called, “Mister, what’s your name?”
The enraged student pulled up his pant legs and said, “You tell me buddy! You tell

Funny College Kids Joke

The Generosity Of College Kids

A couple college kids, Stan and Ryan, are riding to school on a Chicago subway train when a homeless man approaches and begs for spare change. Stan adamantly rejects the man in disgust while Ryan, on the other hand, pulls out his wallet and gives the man two dollars and wishes him the best.

The homeless man thanks Ryan kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Stan is outraged by his friend’s act of generosity. “What the heck did you do that?” shouts Stan. “You know he’s probably only gonna use it for drugs or booze!”

Ryan replies, “And we weren’t?”

THE NUTTY PROFESSOR

Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways:

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, the women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started.

The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said: “Good morning, class. Did you hear the one about the shortage of whores in India?”

With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.

“Wait, ladies,” cried the professor. “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”

OUT OF COLLEGE TOO LONG

1.You know you’ve been out of college too long when…
Your potted plants stay alive.
2.You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
3.6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
4.You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
5.You carry an umbrella.
6.You watch the Weather Channel.
7.Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8.You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9.Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as “dressed up.”
10.You’re the one calling the police because those damn kids next door don’t know how to turn down the stereo.
11.Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12.You don’t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13.Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14.You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald’s.
15.Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.
16.You no longer take naps from noon to 6:00 PM.
17.Dinner and a movie – the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18.MTV News is no longer your primary source of information.
19.You go to the drugstore for ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits.
20.A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer “pretty good stuff.”
21.You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22.Grocery lists are longer than Macaroni & Cheese, Diet Pepsi, and Ho-Hos.
23.“I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again.”
24.Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
25.You don’t get liquored up at home to save money before going to a bar.

Stay Out Of The Dorms

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules.

“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time.”

He continued, “Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired “How much for a season pass?”

Professor: College Jokes!

Professor: I forgot to take my umbrella this morning.
Wife: When did you first miss it, dear?
Professor: When I reached up to close it after the rain had stopped.

REASONS FOR GOING TO SCHOOL

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, It’s time to go to school!”
“But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.”
“Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.”
“Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!”
“Oh, that’s no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.”
“Give me two reasons why I should go to school.”
“Well, for one, you’re 52 years old. And for another, you’re the Principal!”

PROFESSOR’S DEFINITIONS OF A KISS

Prof. of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.
Prof. of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.
Prof. of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.
Prof. of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicular ors muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.
Prof. of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.
Prof. of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Engineering:
Uh, What? I’m not familiar with that term.

A College Professor’s Wife

A college professor’s going to bed with his wife.

He’s not that tired, so he’s gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep.

So he’s reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot.

“Kitza kitza,” she says. “Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here and teasing me like that?”

He says, “I’m not teasing you. I’m wetting my fingers so I can turn the page.”